Out and Back

Dr. Feelbad, Part 2

So not only is Dr. Terry Bennett an insensitive buffoon, he's also a racist, insensitive buffoon.  A new report today mentioned that he tried to encourage the female patient who filed a complaint against him to lose weight by telling her that only black men would find her attractive if she didn't.  And then there's the matter of the time he told a patient recovering from brain surgery to get a gun and shoot herself.  Nice.

This new information also vindicates the patient, because it is clear that she was not objecting to being lectured about her weight, but rather that she was offended by Dr. Bennett's openly racist remark.  I can't believe this guy is still trying to talk his way out of it by saying that he had read polls that stated that black men prefer large women.  What did he read, the lyrics to Sir-Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back?  Good grief.

Two words, Terry: bedside manner.  Look into it.

Doctor Feelbad

Am I the only person alive who thinks that Dr. Terry Bennett is way out of line?

Not for telling an overweight woman (5'7" and 250 pounds) that she was obese and needed to lose weight in order to avoid future health problems.

But for telling her that, statistically, she would outlive her husband and then be alone for the rest of her life because men don't find fat women attractive.

(Excuse me while I rage.)

I repeat, I take no offense at a doctor telling a patient that he or she should lose weight in order to enjoy better physical health and avoid ailments such as diabetes, heart disease, etc.  I've had this conversation with my own physician.  Actually, I was the one who brought it up, and my doctor -- a male, I might add -- handled the discussion with a great deal of sensitivity and good humor.  I've since renewed my own commitment to losing weight and have succeeded in dropping somewhere around 25 pounds, with plans to shed another 80 or so, 100 if I'm feeling motivated. (Weight Watchers is a wonderful, wonderful thing.)

For a physician to tell a woman that, in essence, she is going to die alone because no man will look twice at a larger woman is utterly reprehensible.  I applaud his patient for filing a complaint against him and I hope the New Hampshire Board of Medicine gives this guy a sound ass-kicking.  At the same time, I hope his patient will, for her own sake, begin to make the lifestyle changes she needs to make in order to lose weight and live a long, healthy life.  The doc obviously meant well, but his bedside manner could use a serious overhaul.  Another question that needs asking is, would he have made the same speech to an overweight male patient?  I don't think so.

I guess my major issue is that most men can't even begin to fathom the kinds of pressures that women face when it comes to physical appearance.  For a very long time, my weight was a political statement.  (And yes, plenty of men found me attractive.  I've had more sexual partners and more serious relationships than my husband has.  Not since being married, however... hee hee!)  My extra pounds were (and those that remain still are) a resounding "fuck you!" to the beauty establishment, to the media propaganda that has invaded the collective consciousness and brainwashed us all (men and women) into thinking that for a woman to be beautiful she has to be a Barbie doll.

There came a time, though, when I accepted the fact that if I wanted to live a long life, have a less complicated childbearing experience, and remain active well into my twilight years that this weight would have to come off.  I approached the problem from several different angles (read: diets) before I settled on -- and had the most success with -- Weight Watchers. 

Don't get me wrong -- I still have moments of extreme doubt, moments when I accuse myself of selling out to the beauty propaganda, of changing my appearance to fit someone else's idea of what is attractive.  Sometimes, I have crippling feelings of guilt about my weight loss... like I am some kind of traitor to my fellow females.  As hard as it can be sometimes, I have to force myself to quash those feelings and accept the fact that this is good for me in the long run.  I will live longer and be healthier, and that's what should matter.

Somehow, I don't think many men (particularly straight men) live life carrying all this emotional body-image baggage around with them.  So that's why I was filled with righteous indignation when I learned of Dr. Bennett's insensitive way of "counseling" his obese patients.

Terry, until you've been there, you can't possibly understand.