Out and Back

I hate redeyes

Took a redeye home from San Francisco last night, got to South Carolina this morning around 10 a.m.  I used to think it was possible to sleep on a redeye... all you need is a little Benadryl, a sleep mask, and one of those inflatable neck pillows.  No such luck this time.  Even with my noise cancelling headphones, it was positively wretched.  I think you need anesthesia or horse tranquilizers or something to be able to sleep on an airplane these days.

Or maybe I'm just bummed because I had to come back to SC after three and a half gorgeous days in SF.

Either way, I'm looking forward to sleeping horizontally tonight.

Driving around for a good cause

Hubby and I took some time yesterday afternoon to accomplish the typically distasteful task of getting our cars registered in South Carolina and acquiring South Carolina driver's licenses.  We were expecting the worst, because in our former home state of Pennsylvania, vehicle registration is at best, an arduous process, and, at worst, a nightmare.  (Sometime I will write about the time we tried to get my car titled and licensed in Pennsylvania.  We had purchased it -- and paid the sales tax on it -- in Missouri, and even though we could present proof that we had already paid the sales tax, the beeyotch that was assisting us refused to accept said proof and was going to make us pay the sales tax twice.  I raised holy hell.  Well, there.  I guess I just told you about it.)

Anyway, the process in South Carolina was a little complicated -- there are lot of documents that you have to gather, and you have to pay property taxes on your vehicle up front -- but if you plan ahead and follow the directions, it goes very smoothly.  Especially nice is the "gatekeeper" at the DMV who checks all of your paperwork before you're allowed to take a number and wait your turn -- that way, the folks who didn't come prepared don't waste the time of the DMV workers and the customers who have their shit together.

The coolest part about the whole thing was the custom license plate we got (see above.)  Proceeds from the sale of these specialty "no more homeless pets" plates benefit a program that provides low-cost spay and neuter services for low-income pet owners, and I get to be an advocate for a great cause every time I get behind the wheel. 

Driving, Philly style

When I moved to Philadelphia in 2002, I discovered that the rules of the road are a little.... different.  After a few months, I discovered this little piece of internet humor about driving in Philadelphia.  Much to my surprise, everything on this list is 100% true.  Don't let the tongue-in-cheek tone fool you.  Without further ado, I give you the 18 Cardinal Rules for Driving in Philadelphia.  Mad props to whoever invented this in the first place!

1.  A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.

2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.

3.  Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4.  The faster you drive through a red light, the lower your chance of getting hit.

5.  The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way (remember no-fault insurance - he might not have as much to lose as you do).

6.  Braking is to be done as hard and late as your antilock braking system kicks in; this will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7.  Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.

8.  The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Philly look progressive.

9.  Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged - that's why they're paved.

The front is like a car, the back is like a truck...

...the front is where you drive, the back is where you..................!

As much as I profess my affection for my little red Suzuki Swift, my dream car is the one pictured at the left: a 1959 Chevy El Camino.  This is a photo of one that has been listed for awhile on Ebay Motors.  It's for sale down in West Chester, PA for something like $50 grand.  I'd have to win the lottery to be able to afford something like this, and then I'd have to find a place to garage it because no way would I park it on my street (especially not after what happened to me a couple of weeks ago.)

The 1959 was the first model year for the El Camino, and as you can see from the picture, the '59 was a lot different from the goofy-looking things from the '70s and '80s that we think of when we think of El Caminos.  I think it's really sharp... it's got a great big couch for a front seat and a huge steering wheel, and it looks as good going as it does coming.  I once started writing a story about a woman driving north along the Mississippi river in an El Camino... I never finished it, but maybe I will one day.